Welcome to another week of life on the road. Still in Los Angeles, it feels like forever now doesn’t it? We really got used to that monthly pace.
It was the best of shows, it was the worst of shows. This is not an original opening, but it does accurately describe our experience of seeing two comedy shows two nights in a row. The worst of shows, the best of shows.
On a rainy Sunday night, Aaron, my sister, her boyfriend, and I went to see a Rory Scovel stand-up show together. We got drinks, slid into our seats, and Rory walked out on to the stage.
He talked about figuring things out, and how we were all here to have a good time, we’d find our way together. And I realized, this was actually improvised stand-up. But I thought, hey, I’ve seen Rory Scovel on the show Physical, Aaron and Kate are both familiar with his stand-up, I’m sure it’ll be fun.
And then he brought out a special guest to improvise with him, a comedian I’d never heard of. Maybe this is an opportunity to see an up-and-coming comedian.
It started out okay. The guest comedian came out with a fake whip and a stool, as if Rory was a lion and he the tamer. Okay, sure, Rory went with it. “Yes, and,” right?
Well. After about five minutes, it started to go downhill. The other comedian felt stuck and nervous. He did not say “yes, and.” He didn’t even say “No, but.” He just said no. And he said, multiple times, that his mother was in the audience. Yeesh. This wasn’t going well.
And then, it got weird. Another comedian (who’d been backstage getting ready for her 9:00 performance) walked out to try and help. She was almost entirely naked — topless, with chest hair drawn on her breasts, wearing just a pair of underwear. Which, she soon revealed, was hiding a fake penis.
Maybe this costume made more sense in her 9:00 show, but a nearly naked woman walking out in the middle of a Rory Scovel show, where we’d all bought tickets to see a 40-year-old man in a T-shirt and jeans, really shifted the energy in the room.
I can’t even begin to describe the experience of this whole hour. The guest comedian, who I think was in over his head and/or was having a very off night, seemed to shut down. His mom being in the audience really bothered him, especially now that we had a naked woman and a fake penis onstage. At times, it felt like Rory and the female comedian were ganging up on him in a way that made the whole audience uncomfortable. Later, the two younger comedians left the stage and Rory tried to take back control, only to have the other two return suddenly, running across the stage brandishing the whip again. The show never really started. But it did end with the guest’s mom actually coming up onstage and reiterating the fact that, no, she did not like any of the jokes she’d seen tonight.
When we left the theater, we didn’t know what to say. Aaron and I kept talking about how uncomfortable we’d been, and how Rory had done his best to keep the insanity on the rails (I mean, he didn’t succeed, but he did try).
Well, that’s live theater. Anything can happen.
The next night, we tried again. Same theater, this time for “Comedian Feud.” We didn’t know anything about the show, but the ad featured Brennan Lee Mulligan and Ramona Young, so we were in.
While we waited in line for the doors to open, a staff member was collecting volunteers for the show. I didn’t know what I was signing up for, but he mentioned competing, and Aaron nudged me. “You should do it.”
Here’s the thing: I’m not competitive at work or in life. I don’t want to be the best copywriter in the world, I don’t care if my pitch idea is the best, and I’m not trying to be the fastest runner, the best home cook, or anything like that. But give me a board game, a trivia game, a skipping race down the street — basically, anything where winning does not matter — and I turn into the most obnoxious, intense competitor. So Aaron, correctly, foresaw that I would enjoy the opportunity to compete with a bunch of comedians. I took a ticket.
Once the show started, I learned that we were basically watching Family Feud with 2 teams of comedians. The whole point of the game is to guess the top answers that other people might have given when surveyed on topics like “What is it not the holidays without?” or “Name the top ‘90s brand mascots.”
The first round was played with the comedians. I, of course, was beating both teams in my own competition, where I whispered my answers to Aaron. “Kool-Aid Man HAS to be on the mascots list, why is no one saying the Kool-Aid Man?!?!” (He was on the list, he was number 2, I was right, and none of the comedians got it.) And then, once a winner was established, they drew tickets to build an audience team to play against the winners.
Now that I’d seen the game, I was warmed up and competition ready. Before the first round was even over, I had my ticket in my hand, making sure I knew the number. 5 0 3 2 0 6. I kept repeating it in my head.
The host talked to the audience for a moment, holding the bucket of tickets. Then he stumbled, dropped the tickets on the floor, and collected them again. “I’m getting them all back in there, don’t worry. I’m getting them all.”
5 0 3 2 0 6. Listen for it.
“OK here we go, the first number is...5 0 3 2 0 6!”
I knew it! I had a feeling. Live theater, baby! Anything can happen.
But now it was happening to me. I’d been holding my phone and my jacket in my lap, and I thrust them at Aaron as I crawled out of my seat (I think it crossed my mind that having my phone would be cheating??). The host called the rest of the numbers, three other audience members joined me, and we headed backstage.
Backstage, we took a quick picture with the host, and I watched as Brennan Lee Mulligan, a comedian Aaron and I both love, chatted with his team. From the other team, three actresses from the Netflix show Never Have I Ever laughed. I wanted to say hi, tell them how much I love the show, but I also wanted to be cool. They weren’t in fan-facing mode, they were backstage.
One of the other audience members wasn’t trying to be cool, though, so he called over Brennan, told him we were all fans, and asked for a photo. Brennan (very kind and obliging) snapped a shot with him and then looked at me to see if I wanted one.
“Oh, no thanks. I panicked and threw my phone at my husband.”
That’s what I said to the celebrity I admire.
Meanwhile, Reggie Watts walked backstage, crossed right in front of me, grabbed a jacket (I think?), told everyone it was a great show, and left through the back door. Sure. Anything can happen, right?
After a few minutes (another comedian was doing stand-up during this prep-the-audience-team break), we were back onstage. I don’t remember everything, but basically:
My team won the first round, and I helped by giving at least one correct answer.
One of the weirder categories was “Words or phrases that begin with ‘hand’”. Like handsome, that was one of the answers. I don’t remember the others, but I do know that when my team had the opportunity to steal, I was SO proud of my answer “Handcuff.” But it wasn’t on the board! Both teams, even our opponents, agreed this was bullshit.
When I was the one to go up to the podium and start the category off, the question was “What kind of house do you not want to be in?” My opponent said “Shack” which was wrong, and I came back with “Haunted house” to bring the category to my team. However, when it came back around to me because two of my teammates had given wrong answers, it was up to me to either get a right answer or surrender the category to the other team. The only thing I could come up with was “outhouse.” It was not correct.
The other team had the opportunity to steal, and Brennan came back with “Well, when my wife and I get in a fight, I really hope I don’t end up in the doghouse.” Doghouse was on the board, and they took the points. This is when we lost.
After the show, Aaron and I debriefed all the answers. And I realized, they’d never shown us the fifth and final house answer. “Haunted house, The White House, crack house, doghouse...what was the fifth? They didn’t tell us.”
Aaron shook his head. “No idea.”
In the car, I was still going.
“That was fun. I just can’t believe I lost us the game.”
“Genie, it doesn’t matter.”
“I know, I’m not actually mad. I just...wish we’d won.”
He laughed at me.
We got home, and went our separate ways. I got in bed. I don’t remember if I did read, or watch TV, or scroll Instagram. But I do know that I sent Aaron some texts from one room away.
9:57 PM
ME: ALSO handcuff was my answer and we were all so excited about it!
11:32 PM
ME: I wonder if “the big house” was the fifth house answer.
AARON: Genie, you’re broken.
ME: Why?
Because I’m still thinking about it?
AARON: Y E S
I’m glad we gave the theater another chance and saw another show. The first show was maybe one of the most uncomfortable experiences I’ve ever had in a theater (and I’ve seen a theater company try to mash up Little Shop of Horrors and Men In Black), but the second was absolutely one of the most fun. The magic of live theater. Anything can happen.
Author’s note: I really wanted to tie this all back to A Tale of Two Cities in a fun and surprising way. But that novel ends with a beautiful and heartbreaking sacrifice, and my story ends with me texting my husband about game show answers that I can’t stop thinking about, so, you know, I tried. You can’t win ‘em all and this piece needs to go out tomorrow.
What else is going on?
I caught up on some TV, specifically White Lotus season two and Wednesday. Loved them both.
We boiled some crawfish and I learned that I am very, very bad at getting the meat out of the shell. And I don’t like. You can see their eyes!! Yuck.
We had a planning session for our trip, and booked a couple of our next stays. We realized that when our friend recommended not booking more than two months in advance, we’d taken that as not planning more than two months in advance, and that just wasn’t working. Now we’ve got a general idea of where the next six months will take us, and a whole list of possible cities after that.
I’m enjoying Curious Elixirs. I’m trying to drink less alcohol, but I was having a hard time because I don’t really drink anything else flavorful—rarely juice, and no tea, soda, or sparkling waters. Wine was filling the delicious-drink-with-dinner void for me. I gave in to an Instagram ad and tried these nonalcoholic pre-mixed cocktails. Yes, it’s bougie, but also, they’re good. Here’s a referral link if you want to try.
I had sushi with a friend from my writers’ group and her husband. If you’re in the LA area, try Yakuza Sushi in Silver Lake. Delicious.
I’m wrapping up a six-week workshop on rewriting a feature script, and it’s been great. Every week I read a new script from one of my peers, and give them focused feedback based on the topic of the week. And every week I receive someone else’s notes on my script. It feels good to be working on a script again.