The mullets of Portland
Our first guest writer!
Welcome to our first guest writer, my husband, Aaron Patterson. We’re in this trip together, after all, so I’ve invited him to write a post every once in a while and share his perspective.
Portland.
I know the city is much too nuanced and complex to sum up in a few observations. Portland has a life of its own, and it’s not all good food, strip clubs, mountain views, or Powell’s City of Dreaming Books (that I could live and die in and be happy about it).
What I’m saying is: you have to take the bad with the good. I don’t mean in any way to diminish or be reductive, but the truth is...Portland’s got mullets. Mullets are back in a big way and in a variety of styles! Ain’t just the men on this train, neither.
In the very first grocery store I went into, I saw at least three separate mullets in the wild, plus two other hair don’ts of questionable mullet-ude. And I started to notice, against my better judgment, the range of this hairstyle. There’s not just one! But let me paint a canvas.
A Guide to the Mullets of Portland, Oregon
Tried and True - You know the score. Business front. Party back. Your classic ‘80s mullet.
Baby Mullet - Slightly more party in the back than the front. It’s almost there, but it’s still growing.
Bowl Cut Mullet: It’s not even business in the front. It’s just a bad haircut.
Accidental Mullet - I feel like I had one when I got here. Also known as a Pandemic Mullet because it’s hard to keep one's hair right during a pandi. Could be confused with a Baby Mullet.
Curly Suetail - Curly hair, undercut on the sides, ended in a bit of a rattail. Faux-hawk mullet. If I’m honest, kind of a clever take on the whole thing.
Of course, these are just the mullets we’ve seen. I’m confident there are more.
And let’s remember, these aren’t your mama’s mullets. These mullets are elevated. These are worn by hipsters, ironically cool, and they probably pronounce it as “moo-lay.”
I see you Portland. Keep being weird!